campylobacter: I'd like that with a side order of Vala (waitress)
Read more... )
campylobacter: Are you going to take off these cuffs, or do I have to do this with my tongue? (tongue)
TITLE - Crucified Toad (5/5 Chapters)
AUTHOR - [info]campylobacter  
EMAIL - campyspornshack at gmail d o t com
RATING - PG-13 (language)
GOSSAMER CATEGORY - T (Adventure)
SPOILERS - Little Green Men
KEYWORDS - Pre-XF
SUMMARY - 10-year-old Scully shows a 12-year-old boy her secret hideout. Who is he, and why is he so mysterious? I challenged myself to write Mulder & Sully meeting as kids, yet preserve future canon.
TIMELINE - set on Sunday, June 16, 1974; Father's Day
EPISODES - Space, Little Green Men, One Breath, Piper Maru, Christmas Carol
SEQUEL - The Pilot episode of The X-Files is the sequel.
DISCLAIMER - My cat eats lawyers.
FINISHED SIZE - 38k / 6397 words

Magic 8 Ball
Read Chapter 5: Be Here Tomorrow )
campylobacter: SEX GOD Frohike (SEX GOD)
TITLE - Crucified Toad (4/5 Chapters)
AUTHOR - [info]campylobacter 
EMAIL - campyspornshack at gmail d o t com
RATING - PG-13 (language)
GOSSAMER CATEGORY - T (Adventure)
SPOILERS - Little Green Men
KEYWORDS - Pre-XF
SUMMARY - 10-year-old Scully shows a 12-year-old boy her secret hideout. Who is he, and why is he so mysterious? I challenged myself to write Mulder & Sully meeting as kids, yet preserve future canon.
TIMELINE - set on Sunday, June 16, 1974; Father's Day
EPISODES - Space, Little Green Men, One Breath, Piper Maru, Christmas Carol
SEQUEL - The Pilot episode of The X-Files is the sequel.
DISCLAIMER - My cat eats lawyers.
FINISHED SIZE - 38k / 6397 words

mutant toad
Read 4: By Unwelcome Degrees )
campylobacter: Are you going to take off these cuffs, or do I have to do this with my tongue? (tongue)
young Mulder
TITLE - Crucified Toad (3/5 Chapters)
AUTHOR -
campylobacter
EMAIL - campyspornshack at gmail d o t com
RATING - PG-13 (language)
GOSSAMER CATEGORY - T (Adventure)
SPOILERS - Little Green Men
KEYWORDS - Pre-XF
SUMMARY - 10-year-old Scully shows a 12-year-old boy her secret hideout. Who is he, and why is he so mysterious? I challenged myself to write Mulder & Sully meeting as kids, yet preserve future canon.
TIMELINE - set on Sunday, June 16, 1974; Father's Day
EPISODES - Space, Little Green Men, One Breath, Piper Maru, Christmas Carol
SEQUEL - The Pilot episode of The X-Files is the sequel.
DISCLAIMER - My cat eats lawyers.
FINISHED SIZE - 38k / 6397 words

Read Chapter 3: A Big Coffin )
campylobacter: SEX GOD Frohike (SEX GOD)
young Dana Scully
TITLE - Crucified Toad (2/5 Chapters)
AUTHOR - [livejournal.com profile] campylobacter 
EMAIL - campyspornshack at gmail d o t com
RATING - PG-13/Teens (language)
GOSSAMER CATEGORY - T (Adventure)
SPOILERS - Little Green Men
KEYWORDS - Pre-XF
SUMMARY - 10-year-old Scully shows a 12-year-old boy her secret hideout. Who is he, and why is he so mysterious? I challenged myself to write Mulder & Sully meeting as kids, yet preserve future canon.
STORY TIMELINE - Sunday, June 16, 1974, Father's Day
EPISODES - Space, Little Green Men, One Breath, Piper Maru, Christmas Carol
SEQUEL -The Pilot episode of The X-Files is the sequel.
DISCLAIMER - My cat eats lawyers.
SIZE - 38k / 6397 words

read Chapter 2: The Mention of her Name )
campylobacter: Are you going to take off these cuffs, or do I have to do this with my tongue? (tongue)
culvert illustration
TITLE - Crucified Toad (1/5 Chapters)
AUTHOR - campylobacter
EMAIL - campyspornshack at gmail d o t com
RATING - PG-13/Teens (language)
GOSSAMER CATEGORY - T (Adventure)
SPOILERS - Little Green Men
KEYWORDS - Pre-XF
SUMMARY - 10-year-old Scully shows a 12-year-old boy her secret hideout. Who is he, and why is he so mysterious? I challenged myself to write Mulder & Sully meeting as kids, yet preserve future canon.
STORY TIMELINE - Sunday, June 16, 1974, Father's Day
EPISODES - Space, Little Green Men, One Breath, Piper Maru, Christmas Carol
SEQUEL -The Pilot episode of The X-Files is the sequel.
DISCLAIMER - My cat eats lawyers.  
SIZE - 38k / 6397 words
DEDICATION - To Xandria and her request for me to develop this idea
AUTHOR'S NOTE - "The whole idea behind the show was kids acting the way kids really act.... it's children who are all corrupt and you sort of learn to be a decent human being hopefully by the time you grow up." -- SOUTH PARK co-creator Trey Parker. Beta-read 6 years ago by the lovely and talented MaybeAmanda, who pointed out a kink in my timeline that I've only just finally resolved!

Chapter 1: False Silence )
campylobacter: campy's porn shack (Default)
Ganked from [livejournal.com profile] mslogica who posted hers months ago.

1. Write your username.
2. Write your 2 favourite bands/groups of the moment.
3. Write something you ♥, AKA lemme see your heart.
4. Write the name of your favourite person of all time.
5. Write the name of your recent favoured person.
6. Tag 6 people to do this meme.

i fucking hate clowns srsly
campylobacter: i can haz metaphor? (metaphor)
AUTHOR: [livejournal.com profile] campylobacter
CHARACTERS: Vala Mal Doran, Carolyn Lam, Cameron Mitchell, Daniel Jackson, Teal'c, Hank Landry, Samantha Carter
RATING: PG / Older kids
DATE: started Monday 2 November 2009
STATUS: complete
SEASON/SPOILERS: 10x08 Memento Mori missing scenes (references 2x03 Prisoners, 3x11 Past and Present, 9x11 The Fourth Horseman Part 2, 10x18 Family Ties)
ARCHIVE: permission granted; drop me a URL if you archive it so I can pimp it on my blog

GENRE: missing scenes
WARNING: none (although you can wear slash or 'ship goggles and see some fun stuff)
SERIES: Stand-alone companion piece to Celebration in Order (which is porny) -- this fic isn't. :-(
WORD COUNT: 1115
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and X-Files characters belong to whoever currently owns the copyrights.

NOTES: Written for [livejournal.com profile] sg_fignewton 's Vala Alphabet Soup SG-1 Gen Fic Day. Scene 1 kindly beta-read by [livejournal.com profile] hummingfly67 . Captain Planet and Linea/Ke'ra references inspired by conversations with [livejournal.com profile] magnavox_23  .

SUMMARY/SYNOPSIS/PREMISE:
Scene 1: Vala discusses her fitness for active duty with Dr. Lam.
Scene 2: Vala celebrates her SG-1 membership over barbecued ribs.

Also includes Picspam (at bottom of entry) of actors in both their roles in The X-Files & Stargate SG-1

Read the story... )
campylobacter: I'd like that with a side order of Vala (waitress)
My Farscape: The Complete Series DVDs arrived a day early yesterday (of course while I was out) but it sure was nice that they were home waiting for me!

Oh, how I love them! I thought they'd be in those thin-packs, but it's even BETTER! Each SEASON is stored in one standard-thickness plastic case with 2 hinged double-sided "leaves" inside (I dunno the industry packaging term), accommodating up to 6 discs each when the sides are used for storage, for a total of 5 cases (1 for each season plus the bonus features).

There's no mini-episode-guide booklet (as with the Stargate: SG-1 Complete Series) because THEY PRINTED THE TITLE OF EACH EPISODE ON ITS DISC! Genius. Well, an obvious user-friendly feature that the dorks who did the packaging for the Stargate set didn't do.

Another nicety? The menu interface doesn't have THOSE DAMNED ANNOYING ANIMATED EXPLOSIONS every time you make a menu selection. OMG, on the old Farscape DVDs I rented at my local video store, the animated menu drove me batshit. It was... interesting... the first time I used it, then became a frustrating delay when I wanted space porn ASAP. So YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY to the new minimalistic menu and its ease of selection both on a TV screen and on a computer with a mouse.

Now, levitation:

Whenever Rygel appears onscreen FLOATING, I squee. There's just something about a levitating pain-in-the-ass that makes my day.
Dominar Rygel on his sled

Could be that when I first saw the De Laurentis movie "Dune" and the swollen, dissolute Baron Harkonnen appeared, solving his mobility problems with a hydraulic suit that levitated him around, I fell in love. Only in speculative fiction do you get LEVITATING characters.
Vladimir Harkonnen - Floating Fat Man

So when The Cigarette-Smoking-Prior levitated Cam in the Stargate SG-1 ep "The Fourth Horseman Part 2", I officially fell in love with Colonel Cameron "Camshaft" Mitchell.
Toss me a Cameron, please.

NaNoWriMo

Oct. 26th, 2009 01:29 pm
campylobacter: are you mocking my hat? (tinhat)
If I ever jump on the NaNoWriMo bandwagon, I'd only generate a bunch of porny, non-sequitur fanfic that crosses over The X-Files with Stargate SG-1, Lord of the Rings, Dr. Who, Firefly, Farscape, Monty Python's Flying Circus & South Park, then feel as though I'd totally wasted time better spent generating a meticulously-edited 5000-word smutbiscuit.

I mean, seriously, I cannot expect anyone to suffer reading the kind of crap I'd produce for NaNoWriMo. More power to ya if anyone on my f-list does the NaNoWriMo, because you're doing what I simply cannot commit to doing.
campylobacter: SEX GOD Frohike (SEX GOD)
Apparently, someone wants to see the results of my Frohike fetish mentioned in the previous post.

Frohike Reloaded dust jacket )
campylobacter: SEX GOD Frohike (SEX GOD)
OMG, I finally saw Quentin Tarantino's "Inglourious Basterds" (having had no previous idea what the movie was about besides Nazis, and that it's Tarantino) I'm now reeling. Go see it if you haven't!

Originally, we had planned on seeing the latest installment of Harry Potter, but our hearts weren't in it -- mainly because the amazingly talented director (Cuaron) of the 3rd HP movie hasn't directed HP since, and because I feel JKR peaked at The Chamber of Secrets. The series went downhill for me after that 3rd book.

Anyhow, I love how Tarantino mixes genres; he's described "Inglourious Basterds" as a spaghetti Western with WW2 iconography. How awesome is that? It's similar to the long tradition of staging Shakespeare's plays in different settings (Romeo & Juliet in modern day gang culture, or Hamlet during the American Civil War), and most similar to pastiche where a touchstone text (say, Austen's Emma) is used to frame a modern setting (as in the movie "Clueless").

Years ago, I actually started on a fic called "Frohike Reloaded" that set Melvin Frohike (of The X-Files & The Lone Gunmen series) in a Matrix-inspired 'verse, William-Gibson-cyberpunk-style.

Never got beyond Photoshopping the "dust jacket" for it, though.

BTW: Christoph Waltz as The glourious Bad Guy is a GIFT FROM THE GODS.
campylobacter: SEX GOD Frohike (SEX GOD)
I have proof that there are X-Files fangrrls and fanboiz working at Apple:



While writing NC-17 pr0n for my newest obsession (Daniel/Vala of the Stargate SG-1 fandom), I discovered that by right-clicking a word while in TextEdit (I'm a plaintext purist) and choosing "Look up in Dictionary", the Macintosh Dictionary app launches! Whee! It includes pronunciation, synonyms, and word origins, too! What's really lame is that I've had this capability for as long as I've has OS X -- and only just discovered it.

My typing skills are mediocre, and my spelling skills on late-night fanfic binges are crap. Fortunately, transposing the Y and the R in martyred took me back to my One True Fandom in a very sweet, very slashy way.

There's little question who's the antecedent of the pronoun in he gave Mulder a brief, martyred look. Sorry, Mulder/Krycek 'shippers; our delectable, one-armed assassin Krycek does NOT do martyrdom voluntarily. Burly Man is the most likely possibility, because he put his ass on the line for Mulder for over 9 years.

I could make a case for Frohike, however...
campylobacter: campy's porn shack (Default)
I'm not sure what possessed me to click on this one message out of dozens in my SPAM box before emptying it. This poor assassin must have been hired by someone who read my fan fiction.

View my extortion spam... )
campylobacter: campy's porn shack (Default)
Scully the blushing pride

TITLE: Wedding Fit for a Princess (1/1)
AUTHOR: [livejournal.com profile] campylobacter  
RATING: G
CATEGORY: MSRH
SPOILERS: your dinner, and The Truth
PAIRINGS: Mulder/Scully, Margaret Scully/Skinner, Doggett/Reyes
ARCHIVED: FanFiction.net, campy's porn shack, Gossamer, Archive of Our Own
NOMINATED: Humor Category 2003 Spooky Awards

SUMMARY: Scully and Mulder gets married.

WORD COUNT: 1108

DISCLAIMER: I'm breaking the law here. Someone arrest me.

Wedding Fit for a Princess )

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on

Wedding Fit for a Princess )

campylobacter: SEX GOD Frohike (SEX GOD)
TITLE - Cat Person (1/1)
AUTHOR - [livejournal.com profile] campylobacter 
RATING - PG
CATEGORY - Vignette, Humor
SPOILERS - Audrey Pauley
SUMMARY - Post Audrey Pauley: the missing scene. Takes place in a bar, after all the trauma.

DATE - March 17, 2002
WORD COUNT - 155
DISCLAIMER - This is X-Files fanfic.
Read the story... )
campylobacter: Are you going to take off these cuffs, or do I have to do this with my tongue? (tongue)
TITLE - 'Shippers in the Night
AUTHOR - [personal profile] campylobacter
RATING - PG
CATEGORY - filk (song parody)
SPOILERS - The X-Files Movie
SUMMARY - based on "Strangers in the Night"

DEDICATED TO - In memoriam, Frank Sinatra
AUTHOR'S NOTES - Originally written in May 1998 after Folie à Deux aired, revised to conform to Season 9


'Shippers in the night
Dissecting glances
Watching in the night
For varied chances
They'd find UST
Before the night was through

Scully's big blue eyes
So telegenic
Mulder's spooky mind
So schizophrenic
Held those fans enthralled
Who hoped to see them screw

Agents in the night
Abstaining people who would not their love requite
Until the moment that the mytharc sank the show
Little did they know
Lust was not a film away
A cash-producing realm away

Anticipate delight
(Sure, fine, whatever)
Partners at first sight
CC's too clever
Hope that bee won't bite
Those 'shippers in the night

Doodie doobie doo
Doo doo doo dee da
Da da da da da ya ya ya

Open Journal

Friend/de-Friend/Ban me = it's all good.

Fandom's more fun when you're an equal-opportunity pervert (multi-shipper). Set porn goggles to maximum!

Mostly Stargate SG-1 with an intermittent chance of SGA & The X-Files.

BEWARE: My LJ is NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

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